no pictures, but i am thinking of them

i have stumbled upon an idea. i am taking this opportunity to place it outside of my head.

i want to start a series of photographs. i want them to be about our shadow sides, or rather my own. Carl Jung said that the shadow is the seat of creativity, it can be filled with layers and often overwhelms a person's actions when paralyzed by indecison, for example.

i know so well that no matter how hard i try to make art that is about something, it will never be about anything unless i reach beyond my surface level. this was proven to me in hind sight when i think of making art in school...it never felt like i was doing anything more than scratching the surface of something much more meaningful. i think i was often times paralyzed by the thought of what i was doing rather than just doing and being.

thus far i have been reading about the shadow side from a psychological viewpoint. as i read i am instantly transported to a personal example of my own-making me more curious about the mere definition of the shadow and how that relates to not only my own idiosyncratic bullshit, but others as well-essentially beneath that lies the collective unconscious or the universal truth that is human existence.

'they' refer to the shadow as psycho-dynamic repression or the disowned self. since i have spent years disowning my self and now am simply trying to understand and nurture it, i thought-what a better way to deepen my understanding than make art about it. something i feel i have been waiting for, that could come from this exploration is authenticity. as a result i have avoided making anything other than fun crafts and accessories. this enables me to make and be free from meaning, yet it still satisfies my creative fire.

as i absorb these thoughts and integrate them with my personal experience, i simultaneously working on a visual language that will bring in my personal style, color pallet, and vision to photographic work. i am thinking photography has everything i need to pull this off since i will spend more time building the idea and then the set can be reworked a number of ways without the limitations of painting. *sigh* i do love to paint. but...as the photographer cindy sherman came to realize while studying art- painting has its limitations and photography can set you free from them.

blabity blab blab. i am done now. thanks for tuning in-or out as the case may be.
sharing with you may just assist me in reaching my goal little blog. -x

30th bee day

hello my beeyatches...
much gratitude and love for those who helped make my 30th Bee day such a tremendously wonderful experience. i feel renewed. revitalized (perhaps it was the massage??) and ready to move ahead into a new decade. for those who were not there...geography is such a bitch and i surely missed you more than you'll ever know! and if you are just tuning in, and perhaps are not a part of my day to day world, i had spa day (spoiled, i tell you) followed by a night in a private karaoke lounge with some friends and delicious cake (handmade by JZ and Russ)!

here is a little snippet of the night:



i still cannot get over the random song selections at this place. think tenacious D, ABBA, journey, michael (of course) and sprinkle a little judas priest in there for fun. they really had an assortment ripe for comedy. and oh yes, there was comedy. fortunately no tradgedy.

favortite moments;
-singing ABBA's 'gimme gimme gimme' with chase
-philip blowing people's minds with his ability to shape shift from johnny cash to dave mustaine
-the challenge song for the girls, megadeth, 'tornado of souls'...amazing job by ashley and JZ
-the challenge song for the boys, patrick swayze, 'she's like the wind'-thanks to dennis for being a good sport!
-the finale! dead or alive, 'you spin me right round', chase and dennis leading the mics, me and ashley on tambourines, everyone singing their hearts out to the finish!

holy crap that was awesome.

and presents? nothing but BEEEEEs. not true, but a TON of bees, some very wonderful artwork and other lovely things.

i am not kidding, two bee brooches, bee matches, a wind up bee, a bee purse, a protein bar, a jar, and a sweet ceramic dish! natalia gave me my favorite print of hers and matt gave me a charcoal rendering of toilet paper and philip bought me a walrus photo by elizabeth soule.

my goodness. needless to say i am a gratful little bee.
here's to 30!